Archive for September, 2007

Happiness is a Warm Gun

Saturday, September 29th, 2007

James Michener had a quote from The Drifters (1971): “If the last family of Brontosaurus was found wandering the Earth, some son of a bitch from Western Oklahoma would claim the right to shoot the male.”

And that brings us to the Bridger-Teton National Forest in Wyoming. It was home to the world’s largest bison — breaking an 82-year-old record. And how do we know how large this bison was? Because some retarded redneck shot it.

The conquering hero was E.D. “Dude Where’s My Dick” Riekens, Jr. of Cheyenne, WY. He told reporters: “Uugghh! This was the best sex I’ve ever had. My gun was sooo hot! When I saw this guy, it was like I was looking at a dinosaur or a mammoth. This guy was just so different and massive and huge. There was no question about whether I would hold off. It just had to be done…I was getting closer and closer waiting for an opportunity. Finally, he gave me the perfect chance, and I didn’t hesitate for a second. He was dead before I let go of the trigger, which is a good thing.”

This particular bison had been well-known for years among the local population. They nicknamed him “Old Lonesome.” Thank God somebody finally killed him.

Just Who Is This Media Anyway?

Saturday, September 29th, 2007

Bill O'Reilly: Falafel KingRush Limpjaw and Bill O. had their tender egos hurt this week when The MediaTM pointed out the stupid things they said, respectively, about soldiers and black-owned restaurants. They’re certainly not alone in shooting the messenger. It’s an equal-opportunity hunt with plenty of ammunition for people on both sides of the Grand Canyon of Ideology. But the surprising thing about these enemies of Mercury is that they spout off about The MediaTM as though they weren’t part of it. I’d say anyone with a TV show, radio show, a slew of blogs, books, magazines, and tchotchke stands (backed by a huge communications conglomerate) qualifies as a Grade A Prime media member. Both men certainly fit the bill, but they somehow fail to see the irony of lambasting themselves.

Back when The MediaTM was called The PressTM it was pretty clear who belonged to the elite club. If you wrote something and cajoled someone into rattling off a few copies, you were the media because paper was the only game in town.

Spewing Onto Ephemeral Paper
Eventually, a few readers and press owners decided that spewing onto ephemeral paper wasn’t quite fun enough - it’s hard to get a good screed going if you only type 20 wpm. So they recruited some prehistoric pundits to pit against one another. Once thrown in the ring, they put on a show as impressive as anything Michael Vick ever threw together.


Bush Needs to Lose One

Friday, September 28th, 2007

The thing about blowhards is, they deflate quicker than an airbag masquerading as Rush Limbaugh. I mean, they go on, and on, and on and on… until something or somebody jams that rhetoric right back at them. I don’t mean the petty argumentative positioning BS, I mean, the oh yeah, I’m gonna kick the ever-loving snot right out of you, your position and your posse.

The senate passed the children’s health initiative with 67 votes for, and Bush is “threatening” to veto it. No real reason but pride here… that, and lots of pissed of campaign donors from the sickness health industry. I think the real problem with this president is, nobody has gotten down to his level and really ’splained stuff to him. As long as he keeps riding herd over the legislative, he’s going to continue to be an impossible asshole who thinks he’s gone out of his way for governmental concession by issuing a signing statement.

Bush needs to threaten a veto and lose. Publicly, with lots of cranky voters speaking up and saying “hey, asshole, remember us? That’s OUR kids you’re fucking with.”

So, for the sake of a LOT of kids, I think it’s time to take this president down a peg. You can’t communicate with a bully unless he’s scared of you. Time to smack George’s ass and call him Sally.

Way past time.

“No President Would Have Been Better.”

Friday, September 28th, 2007

A friend of mine pointed me to some interesting commentary. This particular quote left me laughing, in that “it’s the sad truth of it” sort of way.

And by that, I literally mean NO president. That is, if the office were just left vacant for 8 years, the country would be in profoundly better shape.

“Rush” To Judgment: Can You Identify The Phony?

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

Well that didn’t take long. In the aftermath of the demand to condemn the questionable advertisement singling out General Petraeus’ for his role in supporting the Bush administration policy in Iraq, it seemed likely that one of the many Bush apologists would soon step into some deep doodoo. As fortune would have it, the winner turns out to be none other than Rush Limbaugh.

From Media Matters:

During the September 26 broadcast of his nationally syndicated radio show, Rush Limbaugh called service members who advocate U.S. withdrawal from Iraq “phony soldiers.” He made the comment while discussing with a caller a conversation he had with a previous caller, “Mike from Chicago,” who said he “used to be military,” and “believe[s] that we should pull out of Iraq.” Limbaugh told the second caller, whom he identified as “Mike, this one from Olympia, Washington,” that “[t]here’s a lot” that people who favor U.S. withdrawal “don’t understand” and that when asked why the United States should pull out, their only answer is, ” ‘Well, we just gotta bring the troops home.’ … ‘Save the — keeps the troops safe’ or whatever,” adding, “[I]t’s not possible, intellectually, to follow these people.” “Mike” from Olympia replied, “No, it’s not, and what’s really funny is, they never talk to real soldiers. They like to pull these soldiers that come up out of the blue and talk to the media.” Limbaugh interjected, “The phony soldiers.” The caller, who had earlier said, “I am a serving American military, in the Army,” agreed, replying, “The phony soldiers.”

As Media Matters for America has documented, Limbaugh denounced as “contemptible” and “indecent”’s much-discussed advertisement — titled “General Petraeus or General Betray Us?” — critical of Gen. David Petraeus, but has repeatedly attacked the patriotism of those with whom he disagrees. For instance, on the January 25 broadcast of his radio show, he told his audience that he had a new name for Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-NE), a Vietnam veteran: “Senator Betrayus.”

Limbaugh has been pushing the envelope for years…frequently jumping up and down on the line but seemingly succeeding in not crossing the threshold of no return. With the timing of his latest remarks…so close on the heels of the fiasco…Rush may have finally failed to sneak one by.

The man who fashions himself to be a skillful tactician…on the order of an Olympic diver…able to jump into an issue head first, speak his piece, and leave behind insufficient evidence of his obtuse and offensive persona…may have finally committed the proverbial belly flop; leaving behind enough proof to warrant his disqualification.

Limbaugh’s reflections have long been directed at the unwitting…and with this latest assault upon soldiers who serve their country honorably…he has once again chosen to wield his haughty hammer like a crazed carpenter in a glass house. Fortunately, the self-absorbed oxy-gen receptacle (code for pill popping windbag) may have misjudged his swing and shattered his own house of smoke and mirrors.

If it isn’t obvious, I’ll not lose any sleep while his actions are probed…in ways that he’ll hopefully find to be reminiscent of a visit to the one fingered physician. All I can say is, “Enjoy the examination, Rush!”


Cross-posted at Thought Theater

DEA: A New Low

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

You may already think the DEA is a gang of sleazy shitbags who couldn’t possibly sink any lower. Unfortunately, they just did.

The DEA has come up with a new tactic in their neverending war on those dangerous cancer patients who smoke marijuana to reduce the nausea from chemotherapy. They’re targeting the landlords who own the properties where medical marijuana is dispensed.

A guilty landlord could have his/her property seized and/or face up to twenty years in prison. WTF??? Whatever happened to those “Property Rights” that conservatives are always blubbering about? For that matter, “States’ Rights” is another popular rightwing slogan. Here we have the federal government marching in and steamrolling over the states whose citizens have voted in favor of medical marijuana. And all we hear from the Far Right is thundering silence.

What do these DEA thugs see when they look in the mirror? And what do they tell their kids? “Daddy is a sadistic douchebag who persecutes sick people for a living. Aren’t you proud, son? Maybe you can be just like me when you grow up.”

I’m guessing that most people, whatever their religious views, believe in some sort of Karma — “you reap what you sow,” “what goes around comes around,” whatever you want to call it.

Perhaps the legislators, prosecutors and DEA agents who keep persecuting medical marijuana patients are secretly scared shitless of reaping what they’ve sown. I know I would be.

It’s gotta be somewhere in the back of their minds when they go in for their medical checkups. Maybe they’re shitting themselves with the crippling fear that the doctor will say “there’s a spot on this X-ray. We’ll need to run some more tests.”

After all, what goes around comes around.

SAT Time: Freedom of religion is to Saudi Arabia as …

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

Freedom of speech is to _____________________.

Ok, time’s up. Put down your pencils. The correct answer is: Southwestern Community College in Red Oak, Iowa.

Okay. The college administration claims that the professor was not fired because of this incident but declines to say what the true firing offence is. My guess is, the students threatened to withdraw from the college over the incident meaning that the college would lose out on tuition and other incomes and decided that it would be cheaper to find a lecturer in Western Civilization who wouldn’t shatter his students’ opinions about the Bible but they can’t very well tell reporters that. And, truth be told, I don’t know if that’s the case or whether the college has some other, legitimate ground for firing the prof. For the sake of warding off a costly law suit for wrongful termination filed by the ACLU, they’d better or this could be pretty costly, too and they’ll wind up having to hire the guy back again anyway.

I just see no way that this can end well.

Look. Students can believe whatever they want about the Bible or anything else and if this were a Bible College or Seminary that teaches that the creation and Adam and Eve portions of Genesis are literally true, then they could probably fire a proffessor for teaching his students, future teachers and preachers, that they aren’t but professors at a non-religion-affiliated community college do not have to believe or teach any particular interpretation of the Bible and students who cannot handle alternate points of view ought not be pandered to.

George W. Bush Wants To Tag Along

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

You know how it is: you want to go out and do some schmoozing and partying, and the school doofus wants to tag along with you. What to do?

Republican presidential candidates are in a quandary. Do they want to be seen with the Worst President Ever when they go on the campaign trail? Bush is an excellent fundraiser. After all, the only people who still like him are the ones who’ve reaped millions from Iraqmire and those tax cuts.

White House contenders would love to get some of that cash, but if that means being dragged down, is it worth it?

Even the candidates who are in favor of the War on Iraq are trying to be cautious. Romney, Giuliani, McCain and Fred Thompson all agree with Bush, but somehow his name never comes up when they’re campaigning.

A political expert from the American Enterprise Institute said: “Let’s face it, you’ve basically got a president who is radioactive. I’m sure he’ll be active, as he said, on the campaign trail. But frankly he’s not going to be very visible on it.”

Hopefully some Democratic campaign strategists will get a clue here. Republican White House candidates need to be made synonymous — completely interchangeable — with Dumbya and Iraqmire. Bush’s Reign of Error has been an albatross, and we need to make sure the Republican candidates are wearing it around their necks.

Move No one says a word on BIO

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

Boy, sometimes BIO authors might make a bit of sense.  And other times…  They completely ignore reality.

Any of you even notice that the House blew out’s ad in the NYT?  341-79?  Sounds like a Stevie Nicks song er… landslide to me.

So what happened guys?  I thought the Democrats had their way to get this war over.  The extreme left gets all high and mighty with it’s rhetoric.  The base of the left acts like a bunch of crazy cheerleaders and then oops!  The party goes on a bit longer than it need and it’s “Hey wait a minute?  We just blew out a competent General who actually knows more about the situation in Iraq than anybody else on the planet.”

Kudos for ignoring what is real and what we should all be worrying about in this world.

Ronald Reagan once said, “Well, the trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant, but that they know so much that isn’t so.”

Good job my fellow Americans… You Rock!!!



Immigration and Strongly Worded Politics Equals Disaster

Wednesday, September 26th, 2007

Quite some time ago I wrote a piece on Hazelton, PA and Farmers Branch, TX with its enforcement of punishing landlords and employers who cater to illegal immigrants. On paper the idea is a disaster and in practice it kills local economies. The proof is in the latest report from the New York times on communities that adopted strongly worded local laws that forced the law not on the illegal immigrants but the people that might provide housing or employment to them.

Well the plan to kick out all the illegal immigrants worked and they moved out. Job well done to any local government that took this hard line stance or should I say you get what you enacted! So why are all those mom and pop shops downtown closing? Might it be that the townspeople fired some of their largest customers? Could it be that the same people that were buying in their shops every day as community members were forcibly evicted. Mega DUH!

Towns Rethink Laws Against Illegal Immigrants

Published: September 26, 2007

RIVERSIDE, N.J., Sept. 25 — A little more than a year ago, the Township Committee in this faded factory town became the first municipality in New Jersey to enact legislation penalizing anyone who employed or rented to an illegal immigrant.

Within months, hundreds, if not thousands, of recent immigrants from Brazil and other Latin American countries had fled. The noise, crowding and traffic that had accompanied their arrival over the past decade abated.

The law had worked. Perhaps, some said, too well.

With the departure of so many people, the local economy suffered. Hair salons, restaurants and corner shops that catered to the immigrants saw business plummet; several closed. Once-boarded-up storefronts downtown were boarded up again.

Meanwhile, the town was hit with two lawsuits challenging the law. Legal bills began to pile up, straining the town’s already tight budget. Suddenly, many people — including some who originally favored the law — started having second thoughts.

So last week, the town rescinded the ordinance, joining a small but growing list of municipalities nationwide that have begun rethinking such laws as their legal and economic consequences have become clearer.

“I don’t think people knew there would be such an economic burden,” said Mayor George Conard, who voted for the original ordinance. “A lot of people did not look three years out.” - New York Times

What kills me about this story is the simple fact that this is a FEDERAL GOVERNMENT problem! Local communities can enact any law they want against illegal aliens but in the same sense the community they live in will pay the price for economics 101 lessons of the local government politicians.

Illegal and legal immigrants live in one community and for the most part are peaceful participants in the world they live. Extremist will label every immigrant a terrorist and all of them are to blame for your lot in life. Wake the hell up people and look in the damn mirror. They are us! The only difference is time.

I tend to find it humorous that towns that kicked out the illegal immigrants are now boarding up their businesses. When the people that wanted them out made it illegal for them to be there the illegal aliens and legal immigrants sort of voted with their feet and immigrated out.

Board up the car parts store, poor people like new immigrants and illegal immigrants prefer to fix the old Chevy. Board up the local corner store that sold bread and milk into the wee hours of the morning because the new immigrants and illegal immigrants work long hours into the night. Board up the local shops that cater to ethnic foods and a touch of back home for legal and illegal immigrants. Coffee shops, board them up too! Jose and Miguel don’t live here any more who used to stop in every single day for a quick bite to eat and a coffee. The trickle down gets worse.

Now that all them pesky illegal immigrants are gone we don’t need those five extra cops that used to stop at the coffee shop on their breaks. Ten of the teachers at the local school can be let go because the kids are no longer there. Close up one or two of the fire stations because the need is obviously no longer there. Realty companies can start laying off sales staff because there is nobody buying the houses at the lower end of the market. No lower end market house sales means new houses will start to fade in need. Carpenters can’t find work. Over at the supermarket they can lay off many of the stores shelf stockers because the food is just not moving anymore. You get the idea.

America needs an immigration policy that is feasible and will be adaptable to the illegal aliens that are already here. This should not be the responsibility of any local communities or for that matter the states problem. This issue and the failure to fix it rests with the current President, his predecessors and those that wish to follow him in the next election.

Immigration can never be a NIMBY policy simply because they, the immigrants, legal or illegal are a large part of the economy. Thirty communities have proven this point and now they are closing down main street. Many communities will rescind the laws passed only to find that the immigrants no longer wish to be a part of that community. I know I would not!


Cross posted at Papamoka Straight Talk