Happiness is a Warm Gun
James Michener had a quote from The Drifters (1971): “If the last family of Brontosaurus was found wandering the Earth, some son of a bitch from Western Oklahoma would claim the right to shoot the male.”
And that brings us to the Bridger-Teton National Forest in Wyoming. It was home to the world’s largest bison — breaking an 82-year-old record. And how do we know how large this bison was? Because some retarded redneck shot it.
The conquering hero was E.D. “Dude Where’s My Dick” Riekens, Jr. of Cheyenne, WY. He told reporters: “Uugghh! This was the best sex I’ve ever had. My gun was sooo hot! When I saw this guy, it was like I was looking at a dinosaur or a mammoth. This guy was just so different and massive and huge. There was no question about whether I would hold off. It just had to be done…I was getting closer and closer waiting for an opportunity. Finally, he gave me the perfect chance, and I didn’t hesitate for a second. He was dead before I let go of the trigger, which is a good thing.”
This particular bison had been well-known for years among the local population. They nicknamed him “Old Lonesome.” Thank God somebody finally killed him.
September 29th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
“I need a fix cuz I’m goin’ down… down to the bits I’ve left up town”
Best Lennon song next to John Sinclair…
So he shot a buffalo… big deal. There are more out there…
September 29th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
Tom Harper, the overpassionate pussy, has no understanding about what he is attacking. He would rather see the glorious bull I shot starving, freezing to the winter earth with grizzly, wolf, or coyote gnawing at his neck and warm soft belly as the animal still clings to life.
Sorry, but that is the reality. The rich and arrogant have continued to squeeze the habitat of the animals into a relatively small yard. Why don’t these liberal pussies attack the real tragedy? I am one of the only true conservationists, a hunter who spends more time and money on saving their wildlands than any of these crybabies.
What a lack of balls too. Backing up his lack of knowledge and argument with slanderous, even libelous remarks about me. He doesn’t know a thing about me.
Ed Riekens, Jr.
September 30th, 2007 at 12:50 am
Tom,
He shot a bison, not the last male bison.
September 30th, 2007 at 3:09 am
Steve, I didn’t think you were old enough to remember those lyrics. Cool.
Hi Emmett, er I mean Ed. If this is Emmett: Just because I didn’t delete your comments from my previous post doesn’t mean you can start leaving assinine comments at all my posts. I left your earlier comment undeleted because it seemed heartfelt and that I’d offended you (unintentionally). But from now on, any comments of yours that are too obscene or abusive, I will delete. (Or even worse, I’ll edit your wording. And trust me, you don’t want that.)
If the above comment (from “Ed”) isn’t Emmett, then nevermind. But the wording and phrasing seem very similar.
September 30th, 2007 at 7:38 am
Ed, you’re a pathetic excuse for a human being.
“The rich and arrogant” are a problem, with tehir resorts, golf courses, and ill-planned exurban development so that white flight has a place to flee to, but it is we liberals who decry this while conservatives like you put their Repubican shills in power. It we libs who fight to keep the ATV’s out of the parks. It is we libs who fight to keep loggers, developers and miners out of the parks. You sure are either a liar or stupid. My guess would be both.
And this is why dumb, insecure hicks (like Ed) should not be out there hunting - they weaken the gene pools of the animals they hunt. They shoot the biggest, the best, the most points, the healthiest. If we truly wanted to control numbers, we have professional culling like they do in Africa.
Go to Africa, Ed. Let’s see you go be a big man over there. I bet you wouldn’t last a week. Penisless dummy.
JMJ
September 30th, 2007 at 9:20 am
From the AP story on this one:
“The Jackson Bison Herd has grown to around 1,200 animals, damaging plants in Grand Teton National Park and the National Elk Refuge and reducing natural forage for elk and moose. Hunting began this year on the refuge, where managers ultimately hope to reduce the bison herd to 500.”
http://www.wyomingnews.com/articles/2007/09/26/news/17local_09-26-07.txt
This is a national refuge that desires to reduce the herd by more than half. Ed was just helping the deer and elk as the bison herd had grown to large.
September 30th, 2007 at 9:40 am
Tom…
How old do you think I am? lol
My first hobby is music… I could just as easily finished a Buddy Holly or radiohead lyric.
September 30th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Anyone sure Ed isn’t the Nuge..
September 30th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Twisted and perverse. Aside from a lack of humility and respect for life, it’s like saying, “that Mona Lisa was the most amazing painting I ever saw, so I destroyed it.” This is the grown-up version of burning ants with a magnifying glass, inflicting pain and death for fun.
Hunting for food makes sense, isn’t much different in principle from hiring others to kill animals and serve them to us, and is an economic necessity for some. And sometimes, as a last resort, killing a predator to protect oneself or others makes sense, although less preferable than avoiding the confrontation if possible.
Killing a living, sentient being for recreation - because it was unique, or to hang its head on a wall - that’s playing God, and it’s not something anyone has a right to do; it stinks of the attitude that might makes right and we homo sapiens own the universe and can do with it as we please.
I may be BIO’s resident gun nut, or one of them, but I’ll stick to killing those dastardly paper targets unless and until I someday take up hunting for food. It’s people like this that give the rest of us a bad name.
Too bad the bison couldn’t shoot back. That would have been a fairer situation.
September 30th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
LJ,
What did those paper targets ever do to you?
September 30th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Just got back from a visiting and ol’ Texan who used to hunt up in Alaska. We’re talkin’ a real man’s man. When I mentioned this story, he recalled that he’d read about this morning and he just shook his head.
I am not a gun nut, nor a hunter, but I have no problem with the Second Amendment whatsoever, and I have no problem with responsible hunting. This was not responsible.
This was a lousy shoot.
JMJ
September 30th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
Jersey,
Why was it irresponsible, lousy?
September 30th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
How many trees have to die for those paper targets LJ? Didn’t think about that did you? And don’t give me some bullshit story of how they are recycled paper because that takes energy…
/emmett
September 30th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
That’s what I was thinking, Steve. Might as well just shoot the poor trees. Oh, the arbority!
September 30th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Those damn paper targets deserve everything they get. If you’d seen some of the paper cuts I’ve seen… well, they’re just vicious. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do to protect himself and his country. If you didn’t get a paper cut today, you might have someone like me to thank…
September 30th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Sounds like collective punishment, to me. I get a paper cut opening an envelope and you shoot a target? How is that just?
September 30th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
I think we should retire this post now… we’re talking about paper…
September 30th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
I’m still waiting for Jersey to explain why he thinks killing a big bison during hunting season, when thinning the bison herd is needed is, in his opinion, a lousy thing to do.
September 30th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Why? Craig? Really??? A man shot and killed a local icon for laughs. That’s just fucking stupid.
JMJ
October 1st, 2007 at 1:58 am
Craig,
A lot of people have the mistaken idea that paper can be domesticated, but at heart every sheet of it is still a feral papyrian and is liable to turn on you without reason or warning. Our fingers can never be truly safe while any of them are roaming in the same territories where we go about our daily lives. I suppose they can’t help it, it’s in their nature, but that’s no comfort to some traumatized kindergartner, crayons dropped and forgotten, staring in terror and disbelief at the blood dripping from her finger, while the paper hungrily absorbs every drop it can. So it’s not collective punishment - it’s collective survival, us against them.
October 1st, 2007 at 2:58 am
I think you’re being overly pessimistic about the nature of paper. I’ve had many injury-free interactions with paper today alone. I blame the media for this generalized characterization of paper as vampiric. The only time one hears about paper is when there’s a violent incident. You never hear about the majority of paper, paper that wouldn’t hurt a soul, not on purpose, anyway. People forget all the kind, generous paper that passes through their hands each day, carrying news to us, messages of love to family members, sealing business transactions and so forth, all without complaint. We need to resist prejudice and the stereotypes of the blood thirsty envelope that will tear through your tongue as soon as seal for you and the vicious memo that lay in wait for the unwary. These are largely myths. I believe that most paper is really good at heart.
October 1st, 2007 at 8:27 am
I am personally afraid of goats.
October 1st, 2007 at 9:38 am
The solution, of course, is to attack the goats with paper.
October 1st, 2007 at 9:41 am
Take a piece of 81/2 X 11, go to a petting zoo and take back your power!
October 1st, 2007 at 10:24 am
Um, you might want to wear gloves.
October 1st, 2007 at 11:13 am
Rednecks who hunt are supposed to be republican? If they are so poor that they have to hunt for food shouldn’t they be voting democrat. Actually they probably don’t even vote because they are too poor to get to the polls.
October 1st, 2007 at 4:45 pm
what is it with these guys from Wy? i hear the shooter was a neighbor of the current vice president. (not true) personally the shot by the VP was at a more appropriate target.
February 5th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Ed shoots Bison and Beats his women. He is a true american hero. He is trying to make up for the fact he cant satisfy women in one way so he beats them to convince them they like it. Smart guy or not. Much like the bison I am sure one day the women will get there just revenge when he is open maybe they will just take the shot. Like I said he makes himslef out to be a conservationist but for anyone who knows him and his behavior they realize ED RIEKENS Jr is a common criminal. Domestic Abuser and more than likely a poacher rather than a hunter.